The 5 stages of...oh good grief, we're moving again?

Every two years, for the past 10 years or so, I move.  This was somewhat acceptable in my nomad/college life, but as I've gotten older and acquired more stuff, it's become sort of a pain.  And we're to the point where paying off our family and friends to help us move with pizza and beer is becoming more of a taboo.

So when we ditched most of our worldly possessions to move to Australia, we thought, oh joy, we won't have to do this for the next few years!  And even though this fit our typical pattern, we knew that firstly, when we moved back to the states, we'd only have like 7 suitcases in tow, and secondly, we KNEW we'd be going back.

For those of you who've been keeping track, we've had some issues with our apt in croydon.  you may remember the Great Toilet String Incident of April 2012.  we've also had a leaking ceiling water feature in the guest bedroom since we've moved in.  and a few weeks ago, finally fed up that we could no longer use either of our balconies and all the construction going on, we filed paperwork to go to court and amend the situation. 

Ammending the situation turned out to be an email from the real estate agent letting us know the landlord was releasing us from our lease without any penalties.  It was a time saver, because then we didn't have to go to court.  Which was nice, but still, instead of things getting fixed, we were now looking for a new apartment.

Now don't get me wrong, the apartment in croydon is nice in its' own way and it's practically a sprawling mansion.  it's got two floors and two bathrooms, and that's pretty sweet.  so we knew if we'd be heading in closer to the city that we'd have to make some compromises.  We looked at a few kinda skanky places (one with a resident huntsman) and finally Shawn found a nice (tiny) two bedroom with a bath and air conditioning and a dishwasher in the city in a fancy, new apartment tower.  It also has an awesome SKY GARDEN, where I will be spending relaxing weekends and evenings in the sunshine.  (and a gym and a sauna and a media room!)

If you've been paying attention you'll also know that from September 20th until November 11th, Shawn and i have visitors.  three different sets.  So now we were juggling school, work, visitors, AND moving.  we like a challenge.

Of course now that I've literally got one day to pack, I'm sort of having some issues with it.

I bring you Devon's 5 Stages of Packing Grief.

Stage 1: Denial.  We got the apartment quite some time ago.  Have I even considered packing anything before today?  No.  Y'know why?  Packing is so easy!  We don't have any stuff.  it'll all fit in like...a suitcase.  Boxes?  heh.  We don't need no stinkin' boxes.  Besides, the move is soooooo far away.

Stage 2: Anger.  WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN WE'RE MOVING TOMORROW?

Stage 3: Bargaining.  I would be willing to shell out cash money for someone to do this for me.  Also, if someone could just fix the stuff wrong with our current apartment (and magically move it closer to the city) I wouldn't have to move at all!

Stage 4: Depression.  (<---my current stage)  Moving is horrid.  Moving quickly is even more horrid.  I don't even want to be doing this right now.  I just want to take a nap.  My body is shutting down.  I'm having serious thoughts of just crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head in hopes this will all magically pack itself...or like just writing a blog instead about moving. (whoops, did i just jump back to denial?)

Stage 5: Acceptance.....yeah.  I'm not sure I'm going to get there.  But I have packed some suitcases, and that's a start.


That being said, since Australia is the 1950's, our internets might be down for bit.  When I get back (in an approximated 14 day waiting period), I'll tell you all about my exciting Sydney adventures, my new best friend the owl and the ice cream of my native land!

Fairly obsessed

For practically my entire life, I have been going to the Big E.  I’ve never been so far away from New England that I haven’t been able to indulge in all its’ delicious fried delights.  I spend an entire year planning out what I’m going to eat. 

A sample standby menu from years past:

·        Pork Chop Sandwich

·        Apple Cider Slushie (they got rid of the place that did hot cider with a cinnamon candy stick, so I have moved on)

·        Maple Cotton Candy

·        A Maine Baked Potato.  Only from the Maine building.  I’m ashamed of everyone who buys it from elsewhere.

·        Samples of the dips from the state buildings on pretzels

·        Several bites of Shawn’s Steak and Cheese

·        A Red Candy Apple to take home

·        Cheese Curds.  (Thanks Steff.)

·        Mini donuts only from the Donut Family.  You can get a bucket for 10$ but that just seems sort of obscene*

In addition to eating all of this (and for realz, my stomach is groooowwwling) I usually get something special.  Last year we tried fried sheppards pie (gravy on the side) and fried cookie dough.  It’s really one whole day where I completely pig out...besides all those...um...other days i do that.  (weekdays.)

So needless to say, I have been trying my darndest to ignore my heartbreak for missing it this year.  (and trying to ignore shawn’s pure unadulterated joy) When whining relaying my dismay about how sad I was to miss it, one of my co-workers pointed out that from Sept 22 until October 7^th there was the ROYAL MELBOURNE FAIR!  She said magical things like "you want to pat a chook?  you can pat a chook.  You can pat everything." And naturally that was the first weekend Shawn’s parents were going to be here, and THEY were missing the Big E too, so I decided we should all go.  (See how that works?)

In the morning, I didn’t want to eat a lot so I just stuck with an apple and some cheese before we left the house.  Who knew what delicious things would be in store?

The fair is sort of like the Big E, but a little smaller.  There’s vendors hawking stuff, and all sorts of agricultural who-ha going on.  We watched a bit of the horses prancing around, and I decided we should all “EAT AUSTRALIAN!”  By this I meant I was looking for meat pies, but could not find them.  So Ron and I both had some sausages, sue had an egg and bacon, and shawn…yeah, he still had a steak and cheese.  I also ordered some HJD’s (Hot Jam Donuts) because they are scrumptious.  It turned out these ones weren’t the best I’ve had but really, can you ever have a BAD HJD?  No.  You cannot.

I don't think he knew he was in the picture

Excited for HJD's.

In one of the buildings there were some free samples from Woolworths (the grocery store) so I had some snacks.  I ALSO got a Tasmanian devil cookie cutter.  Epic.

I am clearly disappointed in my stomach.  I wanted to eat ‘somuchfairfood’, but they really didn’t have too much that I wanted to eat and after the free samples, I was feeling full (so lame of my stomach).  But what they did have that was new were showbags.

<enter choir of angels singing>

Showbags are an interesting idea.  They have trailers full of these selections of bags.  And in the bags are different things, like a bag full of candy, or wigs, or magazines.  And then you buy tons of them apparently.  To be fair, they stuff inside is pretty cheap for Aussie prices.  I got a Cadbury bag full of Freddo chocolate frogs, a coffee mug, a pen and some Freddo playing cards all for $10.  Retail it would be like…$150,000.  I’m sure I did the math there correctly.

Ninentdo Showbag has: Instant Noodles and Energy drinks.

The Best the USA has to offer:
Pringles, Reeces, Hersheys, Dr Pepper & AW

In the tradition of the Big E, Shawn and I had a ride on the Giant Slide.  To get up to the top, it didn’t have stairs, it had a really horrible steep ramp at an odd angle.  Awful.  BUT!  Exciting news of the day, I WON the race!  Shawn says the man at the top was stepping on his rug but clearly it was my giant slide skills.  And maybe the different material on the mats.  Perhaps burlap just isn’t my thing.

Prepare to lose, Shawn.

Much like any US fair, they also had craft buildings, or as I call them, those cakes I can't make and weird artwork.

I'll get practicing....

Newest Pinterest Idea.

Also there were typical fair activities like horse shows!

I seriously want one of these.  I am willing to ship it back to the states.  (Tiny horse included)

  And of course, for your viewing pleasure, I present a selection of  glamour shots for fair animals.

Shawn also won me a Keroppi stuffed animal from a darts game.  I will only be winning/getting frog type animals at any fair here ever.  It’s my decree.

 
Though I can’t say it was the same type of gastronomic journey that the Big E is, I had a very nice time enjoying an Australian Fair. 

*You know I mean amazing there, right?

We Be Ballin'

One of the very good things about working for a corporation, is that they throw Really.  Good. Parties.   Recently, Shawn and I had the opportunity to head to the Annual Mid-Year Ball.  And honestly any excuse to go to a ball for pretty much next to nothing is a good thing.

Since right now we live so far away from the city, and the ball was on a Friday, I had to bring all my stuff to work.  Because I am high class, I shoved folded neatly my “I-wear-this-to-everything” purple Anthropologie dress into a plastic shopping bag with some touch-up makeup and a hairbrush.  (High class ladies brush their hair more than once per day, I’m told.)  I was pretty nervous about how I was dressed though, because the invitation said “Black Tie.”  Clearly, I didn’t bring any gowns with me to Australia, and Shawn doesn’t own a tux.  My co-workers repeatedly tried to calm me down, but you know how I get when 1) I think I’m breaking an etiquette rule and 2) I get myself into a frenzy about something. 

Thankfully, some other ladies were getting ready at work, and were wearing similar cocktail style dresses so after an entire day in an utter panic, I relaxed a little bit.  Plus these things are always dark.  I did last minute try and find some fancier shoes (I only brought a scant few of my shoe collection to AUS, it’s been horrible), and while at Myer (it’s like a Neiman Marcus) I picked out an awesome pair of shoes, for the very reasonable price of $800.  Needless to say, my black target heels it was!  (who is buying $800 shoes?  Also, if you are, you can afford to buy me some too.  I have them all picked out)

Shawn showed up looking all dapper and very hipster in his new suit.  Off to the ball we went!

It was held in the Docklands in what I’m assuming was a converted ship building warehouse.  So it was pretty epic.  We found out table, and realized that we were right in the center of the room, in front of the dance floor.  I was completely baffled how we scored such a good table, until Shawn pointed out to me that I do work with the event manager.  Dur.

Fancy centerpiece

 The food was amazing and we were pretty depressed that since we liked it so much, and we weren’t at a restaurant, we couldn’t ever have it again.  I literally wanted to lick the bowl after my entrée (that’s an appetizer here).  I easily would have stuck my face in the bowl, if not for meeting people for the first time.  Though honestly, that gives a pretty good picture of who I am as a person, so I probably should have. 

Since this event was pretty epic, there were fire dancers.  This made me slightly nervous because they were very close to our table.  Thankfully, no need to remember my training from elementary school and I did not have to stop, drop and roll. (Fire prevention, everyone, everyday….ugh, how badly did I want them to pick MY drawing for the calendar.)

 Then band then came on.  They did a version of Funky Town.

It went a little something like this:
 

Dear Australian Band,

It is not “A funky town”.  There is just one town, called Funky Town.  Proper Noun Style.  Get it right.

The band did also help me realize my new ambition was to be a backup dancer in a band that plays corporate events.  These girls had some sick costume changes, like fur vests, shiny leggings and tear stained faces because they are backup dancers in a band that plays corporate events.

There were three very important things that made this evening epic for me and for Shawn: 

1) It was our anniversary weekend.

2) They had two photo booths and wacky props.     

3) They had a candy bar.  With pennants. 

Wedding reenactment what, what?

Clearly since there was candy, and it was free, we were going to shove as much of it as we could into the little bags.  Except several times we were tricked with weird Australian candies.  Like MUSK sticks which look like sticks of bubble gum. 

Let’s take a moment to address how I feel about the humble musk stick.

1. Musk is for perfume.
2. Musk is for animals signalling that they are going to mate.
3. Musk is not a flavour for candy (obligatory "u" added)
4. Musk candy is super gross (aka not made for the American palate)
5. Seriously, they have other ingredients here, how did you even think to make musk a candy?

Of course, you can’t be too surprised, because they also use ingredients like rose water in candy here.  Who wants candy tasting like flowers? 

How i love thee candy apple and popcorn

Churros, Shawn-styles.

 











There were candy apples and popcorn bags, and sour worms.  We thought there were gobstoppers, but it turned out to be gum that tasted like the Gatorade gum they used to sell.  (do they still sell that?)  There is nothing so disappointing as thinking you are getting a gobstopper and you get a gumball.  Well, nothing so disappointing except for tricksy musk sticks.  

We ended the night by taking the train home in our finery.  And it was a wonderful start to our anniversary weekend

Confessions from a Commuter: OR How Not to Be a Jerk on Public Transport

Commuting on public transport is something new to me.  Growing up in the states, I can’t say that I’ve ever had to take a bus anywhere (besides school, and even then, I was usually ‘too close’ and had to walk), and certainly the cities I’ve chosen to live in are hardly known for their public transport.  And then again, I’ve always had a car.  A luscious, luscious car.  (How I miss you, commute singing!)

Here in Melbourne, we made the decision to wholly rely on public transport. This presents several interesting quagmires in our lives, like when we chose where to live (i.e. within walking distance of a train station), and how the heck we get home from places at night, when it’s not running frequently or sometimes not at all.

So I’ve compiled a list of learnin’s for those of you who might visit, or those of you who live in this sort of a situation and don’t know how to act (though common sense could dictate all of these to you) or for those of you who just like to chuckle at my commuting woes.

Top Ten Traveling Tips!

           1) Bring something to keep you entertained – I can’t tell you how many people come on the train with NOTHING.  First off, where I live it’s around 45 minutes to the city if you’re on the express.  If you’re not, it’s considerably longer.  So bring something to do.  I don’t care if it’s a book (my preference), your iPod, the trashy mag the MX (god I love that thing) or you just want to take a nap, make sure you entertain yourself.  Because you know why?  The person sitting next to you, (re:me) probably doesn’t want to chat with you.  Because they brought their entertainment.  And quite frankly, the games of thrones series ain’t gonna finish itself (anyone else hate the 4^th book as much as I do?  It’s taking me forever, because I Just.  Don’t.  Care.  Anymore.)  Pro Tip: sometimes I like to put my ear buds in and pretend I’m listening to music while I’m reading a book.  This way, no one is going to talk to me. Ever.

        2) Bodily functions have no place on public transportation.  Just like an elevator, you’re in a confined space with people you don’t know.  So while you might think this is an opportune time to fart in anonymity, it’s not.  Because now I am trapped with your fart smell, and I’m trying not to gag.  Also, stop picking your nose.  I can see you.  Yes, you.  Oh god, did you just WIPE IT ON THE TRAIN WALL?  Help me.

        3) Get off your laptop.  Although I’m a huge proponent of bringing something to do, you shouldn’t bring something that’s going to mess with everyone else.  Like if you really want to learn to juggle knives, the morning commute isn’t the best place to do this.  Another case in point: a giant laptop from 1994.  I know you think watching the CSI: Duluth is high on your commuting priority, but when you’ve decided to sit on the outside seat and you won’t bother to move so either I can sit or I just want to get off the train because all these farts are making me want to vomit, it’s really a pain to attempt to crawl over your giant laptop in my skirt, and with my purse and my lunch bag.  Can’t you even swing your legs out?  NO?  Then laptop denied.  And no, I’m not sorry one bit that I stepped on your foot, so stop glaring at me.  This rule is forgiven for 1) people who are doing work and 2) people who sit on the inside and 3) considerate people who swing their legs out. This brings me to my next point:

4) Move in, asshat.  It’s rush hour.  You’re not getting off at the next stop.  We both know that.  So it’d be great if you could just move in to the interior seat.  I don’t want to have to climb all over you and you know you’re not going to swing your legs out.  So be a pal and move in.  This also goes for you clowns who stand in the doorway.  The only acceptable time to do this is if you are literally getting off at the next stop.  If you’re not, well, they say move down the aisles for a reason. 

         5) My newest marketing campaign for the train is “Butts, not bags.”  Middle aged ladies and young girls, we need to have a talk.  1) I have nice purses, so I get it, you might not want to put it on the ground.  (train ground + expensive leather purse = tragic!), so do you know where it goes?  Hint, it’s not on the seat next to you.  Did your purse pay for a train ticket? Oh, it didn’t?  Then stop giving me crap when I tell you to move it.  Put it on your laps, or get a crappy commuting bag. 

        6) Please don’t eat tuna fish out of a can on the train.  In the morning.  Right next to me.  

        7) Just buy a ticket, okay? 

          8) Speaking of: Presumably, you have a ticket when you got on the train.  It’s either a paper ticket or your Myki card.  So it shouldn’t come as a real shock to you that to get out of the station, you have to use your card.  Why isn’t it out?  WHY???  You are clogging up the whole line and now i am feeling claustrophobic surrounded by tall strangers.

        9) Although this should be common sense, I continually see this and it aggravates me to no end.  If someone had a need to sit down, like a broken leg for instance, GET UP.  When you choose those priority seating seats by the door, you might have to get up so stop making that face.  It’s right there on a sign.  Please stop making people ask you to get up when they are on crutches or are very, very pregnant.  They shouldn’t have to ask.  So be aware of your surroundings!  (PS to the annoyed pregnant lady who snapped at the guy who offered his seat.  don't be a jerk about it.  a simple, no thank you would suffice.)

         10) When you’re ready to exit the station, please stay to the left on the escalators!  I might not be one of those people running up the stairs in the morning to get to work, but I stay out of their way.  Just like I expect YOU to stay out of my way when I’m trying my darndest to make it to the 5:07 Lilydale Bada$$ Express.  (I think that’s it’s official name).  So although you probably think you are walking appropriately fast down the right side of the escalator, I am trying to run.  

     BONUS:   When something happens on the train, like there’s a tree on the tracks, and you have to take a replacement bus, please remember: We’re all in this together.  No need to go feral.  And pushing ME, doesn’t do a lick of good, even if you ‘apologize’ after you do it. (and yes, we both know you only said sorry because I gave you a look) It just makes me say “you do realize that pushing me doesn’t make anyone in front of me move, right?”  And then you look dumb.