The things I do for love, or who the hell am I kidding this was totally for me too.

I collect the 7 deadly sins like Pokemon.  Currently, I'm being pretty successful with sloth (I managed to get the exercise charts up on the wall and blew up the gym ball, that's a start, right?).  But one deadly sin isn't really enough, so I decided to work on another.

Before I came to Australia, one of my amazing student workers Nicole and I did what any normal two people would do during a work day and that's, look up what McDonald's Australia has to offer.  For those of you who don't know, McDonald's around the world offer a unique menu depending on the country you're in.  For instance, when we went to Japan, they had the MEGA TERIYAKI BURGER!!!  (sort of tasted like a sausage mcmuffin.)  Now, I am of the FIRM belief that the only way you to truly learn about a country it so eat its' food.  And the a nice way you can learn about how a country views America, is to eat at McDonalds.  On this day, not only did Nicole and I discover that they had the original apple pies (which actually made me really excited), but we saw a section that was labeled 'dinner'.  I thought oh maybe they only have certain things during dinner time?

Wooooo boy was I mistaken.

No, you see, McDonalds Dinner means...a FAMILY SIZED HAPPY MEAL.

So naturally, as soon as Shawn found out about this, we were goingtogetmcdonaldsdinnerbox.

Before you start thinking how disgusting it was and how much food the two of us actually consumed, please note, to get to McDonalds we literally have to walk uphill scale the sheer face of a mountain.  And then cross a 4 lane highway with NO CROSSWALKS.  so we were pretty much jeopardizing our lives to get this dinner box.  Also, since I can't (re: am too lazy to) do the calorie conversion from kilojoules, I didn't feel so bad about eating this, because calories in foreign countries don't count.  (everyone knows that.) PS, i have to WALK EVERYWHERE.  I will eat what I want.

When we arrived at this McDonalds, we didn't see it on the menu.  So we both freaked out and made an emergency plan.  Then instead of going up to the cashier like a normal human, I had to look up on my phone the homepage for McDonalds dinner so I could SHOW the cashier (because unlike a normal human, I cannot just ASK.  Does anyone else do this?).  We literally sat there for like 10 minutes trying to decide if maybe we should just walk to Hungry Jacks (that's Burger King, but they changed the name here) instead because we didn't want to feel like fools if they didn't have it.   But then we'd already been in McDonalds for 10 minutes sitting at a table in front of the registers and it would look totally weird if we just walked out.  So, we had to create an emergency plan of something to order in case they didn't have it.  (note, the special burgers here are the EL Maco, with sour cream and taco sauce, and The McOz which has beets on it.  Beets on burgers are a thing here, and no, I haven't tried it yet.)

But it turns out they did have it.  So we didn't have to be worried.  The cashier WAS new and quite confused though, but we got through it in the end.   

There are two types of McDonalds dinner you can order, the Family Value Box and the Family Favourites Box.  I thought the Favorites Box might be a bit much, so we went with the Value Menu.   

Happy Meal for the Whole Family!

In this magical box was:

• 2 Big Macs

• 2 Cheeseburgers

• 4 Small Fries

• 1 6 pack of McNuggets

• *2 Medium and 2 Small Sodas

Shawn does not eat condiments.  So we had to special order the burgers.  Usually I do it, because I say "just meat and cheese" and he's says "just meat and cheese and not any of that other garbage." which horrifies me.  Anyway, this left us with a predicament on who was eating what. 

Me: Are you going to eat a Big Mac?
Shawn: No, I'm going to eat the two cheeseburgers.
Me: I don't want to eat two Big Macs, Shawn!
Shawn: I don't like Big Macs.
Me: We will get it with just meat and cheese!
Shawn: What's the point in that?
Me: The point is I AM NOT EATING TWO BIG MACS.

In the end, we got 1 Big Mac and the two cheeseburgers just meat and cheese because if I wanted a cheeseburger I have ketchup and mustard at the apartment.   Also, he did eat a big mac after i pointed out it's just a double cheeseburger with MORE BREAD.

We also decided that wasn't enough food.  Because McDonalds here is the BEST (aka the 1980's McDonalds we all love from our childhood) we had to get cookies (the old kind with Grimmace and Birdy on them) and I got an apple pie.  Y'know for documentation purposes.  This is purely scientific.

All snug in the box.

Baby fries

All unwrapped and ready to go, with a cookie cameo.

Once we got home and got situated and Shawn turned to me and I swear to whatever god you believe in that he said "We should put cheese on these fries."

So we did.

Does it really matter at this point?

And I don't care what you think, this sh*t was delicious.

I'll leave you with a very sexy video.  If you feel the need to turn the lights down low, get a glass of wine, no one's gonna judge you.  I suggest you make this full screen.




I'm so sorry  You're SO welcome for this blog post. <3 Devon ;)

*Before you start thinking these are US sizes, they are not.  Remember McDonalds when you were a kid and a small soda was the size of the juice cups they give you now?  That's a medium here.  And the smalls?  The kids size cups.

I'm...wombatman

It has been our theory since we have been living here, that if you are located in a country that has weird animals, you should give them a pat.  Actually, I'm pretty big on giving ANY animal a pat, a habit that I find difficult to keep in check when I'm around service animals.  (and lord help me if I ever saw a service pony, I'd have to be dragged away)  Now before you start thinking I'm loving on every single service animal I meet, please know I have some restraint.  Usually, my brain goes into the mode of "iwannapetthedoggie!", but I'm don't react on that.  Also one time in college there was a girl who had a service animal in class and no lies, that thing growled at me every single time I came into class.  It became a running joke.  The owner would even say, "wow, he doesn't growl at anyone." (Y'know because they are supposed to be super good natured.)  Perhaps it knew I wanted to give it cuddles.   Or maybe it really wanted cuddles but had to show some self-restraint for both of us.  right.

All that aside...

Shawn is never so happy as he is when he's cuddling animals.  It's a fact that I've come to accept in our marriage.  Here's a prime example from our trip to Myrtle Beach:

Seriously.  HE IS SO DELIGHTED.

 And in contrast.....

Eh, she's no Gibbon.

(Actually, to be fair, my smile looks a tad more genuine in the animal picture too....)

Since we first contemplated moving to Australia, it has been my husbands dream to own a wombat.  But upon reading some wombat facts and having nightmares of being trapped in a bathroom while a wombat tears around our apartment at 40km an hour, I thought it was best to just get him a wombat experience instead.

A typical animal experience will usually run you anywhere between $50-$80pp.  And that's usually just for something basic, like a turtle.  They can run well into the hundreds of dollars.  At the zoo I used to docent at, they didn't have things like that.  Which was sad for a variety of reasons:

1) people like that sort of thing
2) it makes a boatload of money (which is helpful for a zoo which needs money.)

Anyhow, zoos down here are kind enough to pretty much let you touch anything you want* for reasonable fees.  Like Shawn and Devon reasonable, which is to say, $10. No, I didn't miss a 0.  It was $10.  I would pat things all day long for $10.  I would pat them twice.  I would pat them oh so nice.  I would pat them on the lam.  I would pat them with green eggs and ham.

So on a rainy Saturday (it's fall here, that what it does now) we headed to the Healesville Sanctuary for wombat snuggles.

Shawn and I don't own a car.  I won't confirm or deny the fact that it's probably not the money, its probably the fact that you often find huntsman spiders dropping down from your visor, (seriously it happens), but this does limit us to either relying on the kindness of clint and kendra to take us places, OR more likely, public transportation.  Lucky for us, Victoria has a really awesome public transportation system and on the weekends it's priced appropriately.  And thankfully, for this trek there wasn't too many transfers, just a two stop train ride and then a 40 minute bus ride.

A few weeks back when I had to be in the city for an interview, I inadvertently sat on the wrong side of the train and for three stops I was going backwards.  It was rush hour, so I had no option of switching sides and I was NOT going to stand up for an hour.  So, I naturally did what anyone would in my position, I got off the train and waited 20 minutes for the next train.  Or maybe that's just what people with motion sickness do.  Irregardless, every time I'm thinking of taking a bus, which is 1,000 times worse than a train, I get the feeling that me taking buses is not a big deal.  Then I get on a bus, and the bus driver is pretending he's in Grand Theft Auto, and I'm dry heaving and trying not to actually vomit all over the seats.  I kept looking at Shawn in desperation the entire time, like could he maybe materialize a diet coke and a plastic bag for me out of his backpack?  (He needs to get one of those Mary Poppins bags for me when I'm feeling like death on public transportation.)

So when we arrived at the sanctuary 40 minutes later, I was feeling a bit like death.  But, we were also getting our memberships this time, so I tried to be pretty excited about that, despite the spinning in my head, and nausea in my stomach.  Unnnnntil I went up to the guest window and the lady inside was all *Scoff* "Memberships?  Don't you mean ADMISSIONS?"  I kindly corrected her.  "No, I meant memberships.  We live here." And trust me, that was not what I wanted to say at all.  But I was at a zoo.  I was going to pat a wombat, and there's no need for (devon's outrageous motion sickness induced) anger in that situation.

We had some time before the pats, so we checked out the rest of the sanctuary.  It only holds Aussie animals, which is sort of neat, probably to anyone who doesn't live in Australia.  I think, if situations were reversed and we went to an all American Zoo, that might be a bit lame.  But then again, Australian animals are cooler than American animals, so maybe Australian citizens even think it's cool.  Who knows.

Moving on....

Here's what we saw:

Koalatemplating

MMM nectar.

Not eating babies

Adorable Tassie Devil!

Emu Aka Scary, Disemboweling Dino-Bird

Eastern Brown Snake, One of the Top Ten Deadliest Snakes on Earth.  NBD Australia has ALL TEN.

After putsing around the zoo for a few hours (and maybe watching dingoes and devils for most of that time) it was time for our pats.   

We had a family with some small kids with us, which was sort of dicey because you don't really know how small children are going to react to wild animals, like if they're going to do what I used to do to my pepere and memere's dog Brandy and play: HORSE RIDES!  (brandy didn't appreciate that, so I'm sure a baby wombat might not either.)  The kids were pretty good though and more importantly that wombat was darned cute.  She was very solid (think built like a pitt bull) and very cute.  She had scratchy hair, which I really didn't expect.  And now, a wombat montage with cheesy music!



Okay, I do sort of see what Shawn was talking about when he wanted one as a pet.  They are stinkin' cute!  And yeah, maybe now I'm thinking we could go into the bush and rear one as our own and disguise it as a very fat cat for when we head back to the states.  (something I'm SURE Cos and Rem would appreciate....awww, but can you imagine how cute, a kitty in a wombat pouch?? ) Um, anyway, next time when we go back (aka when I feel brave enough to try that bus ride again) I'm going to go pat a dingo.  And since I'm not a baby, I think I should be okay.   

*Fun Fact: Victoria is the only state in Australia that won't let you hold a koala.  Officially.  I mean I guess you could go into the bush and grab one out of a tree and force it  to snuggle you but I don't recommend that because 1) it's illegal and 2) Koalas have claws.  And who wants to be that jerk who's obituary reads "death by koala"?  3) what if drop bears ARE real and you accidentally grab one?   AND THEN IT EATS YOUR FACE OFF?  What then, big shot koala snuggler?

It's so hard to say goodbye

My plumber greeted me at the door with a "Well this place is f*$%ing hard to find."

To be fair, it is.  Our complex is confusingly set up.  Our doorway is set under the car park (parking lot for you in the US) and the first time I tried to find it I got very distressed and called Shawn thinking he somehow could magically direct me to the apartment.  (He'd never been there, so you see how my logic works.)  Eventually I found it by deciding to follow a stranger.  (even more solid logic there)

The plumber was here to finally replace the string that was the flusher for our toilet.

The string.

That was a flusher.

For our toilet.

Yeah.

Anyway, he confirmed what we've thought all along.  Even thought this place is pretty sweet, we've actually moved into a sh*t-hole.  While fixing our toilet, he had to jimmy-rig the whole thing just to get a flusher in there, because whoever cut the hole mis-fit the whole darned thing.  Which is why I'm thinking there was a string there in the first place.  Proving further that our apartment is a death trap:  see Exhibit A (which mentions plenty about our life sucking for the next two years, but nothing about compensation.) 

Under two years is a BONUS FOR US ALL!

Once he was done fixing the toilet, the plumber joked about the oven not working, which is not funny.  Everyone who has to make dinner tonight, please try and see how many things you can come up with that don't involve using your oven.  Okay, smarty pants, that was real easy?  DO IT FOR A MONTH.  And mind you, also catering to Shawn's palate.

Moving on.  I'm a little sad about our toilet string being gone.  I mean, I even had the idea to tie a balloon to the string to fancy it up a bit.  And who else has a string to flush their toilet?  I think now that the string is gone, we should take a moment to remember all that he contributed to this household. (Note: You might need to have some tissues handy)

I have not given up the idea of keeping the string and framing it above the toilet.  It's important to remember your roots.  But most likely, it will go out with the rubbish when Shawn gets home.

Rest Well, My Friend.

Repairs up next: fixing the leaking roof, and please sweet Jesus, the oven getting fixed.

just a day in the life

Upon viewing the movie the Avengers.

Me: Would you be mad if a god came down disguised and impregnated me?
Shawn: Do I get to raise the child as my own?
Me: Sure, until the day he's aware of his parentage.
Shawn: But he'll always respect me for the humanity I gave him.

Other married couples have conversations like this, right?

I've got a Crush(er) on you.

When my brother and I were little, we were often left to our own devices.  While my dad 'watched golf' (he was sleeping in his chair, but if you even LOOKED at the tv controller, he'd wake up) my brother and I would invent games; The Game of Tip the Boat (it had a theme song- we can still sing it), The Australian Doo-Doo Plant (not so much a game as a weird concoction of sticks and leaves), and Sargent Slaughter and the Slaughter House, to name a few.  I'm sure my parents will take credit for our now completely awesome imaginations.....

But on Saturday nights, when my dad wasn't watching golf, we'd be watching Star Trek: The Next Generation.  And on Star Trek: TNG, they had a food replicator, and we were fascinated by it.  So fascinated, that one time when we were left to our own devices, and I was making us lunch, I made us a drink that we decided would be perfect for Star Trek.  The Boctanian Fizz.

Recipe for Boctanian Fizz:

• 1 cup of Sprite or Diet Sprite
• 1 Orange-Flavored Flintstone's Push-Up Pop

Directions:

• Pour Sprite into a cup, or a mug, or a glass.
• Take Orange-Flavored Flinstone's Push-Up Pop out of freezer
• Peel off wrapper and lick it, because they are tasty (really, don't waste it.)
• Push the entire Orange-Flavored Flintstone's Push-Up Pop out of the container.  Note: you may have to warm it a little with your hand.
• Watch it fizz.
• Enjoy.

"Artists" rendering of Boctanian Fizz.

 Of course, it goes to say, if you're making up drinks for a t.v. show you're watching, you're probably pretty into that show.  And twenty some odd years later when that show is now on PRIME TIME in the country you just moved to (seriously, back to back episodes on thursdays) and you're watching it, you're STILL pretty into that show.  so when Wil Wheaton was scheduled to host the video game symphony i was going to and make a stop at a convention Pop Culture EXPO in Melbourne, I lost my mind a little bit.

For those of you who are unaware of who Wil Wheaton is, he played the plucky Wesley Crusher, son to the medical officer, Beverly, on Star Trek:TNG.  Not only did Wesley get to wear a whole host of different Star Trek onesies, but! he also DROVE THE ENTERPRISE.  TAKE THAT.

Do you kiss Beverly Crusher with that mouth?

Anyhow, apparently Wesley was quite the dreamboat even though I'm not sure I ever noticed because I was too busy also watching Seaquest: DSV and trying to figure out how I could marry Jonathan Brandis.  To this day, I am heartbroken over his death.  I'm not even kidding.

Smouldering glare.  Yowza!

(If you can gather, I had a pretty busy childhood...making up games, cooking all my own meals - aka ice cream and soda - and watching nerd tv.)

So first off the Video Game Symphony was pretty good.  Well, Wil Wheaton and two other guys who I have no idea who they were, were hosting and they were pretty good.  And if you've ever played Final Fantasy 7 and secretly right out in the open dreamed of hearing One-Winged Angel done by a symphony and live choir, that right there kids was worth the price of admission. (seriously, I giggled through the whole thing...epic.)  After that, I was pretty psyched up for Supanova.

Even though I am fairly into what society might consider geekery (look, if you want an explaination why, my mom got us a nintendo and my dad had the whole xanth series), this would be my first "pop culture expo" ever.  Shawn tried to prep me and told me I was not allowed to judge people.  I think, in my own defense here, I was not "judging" people, but there are two things I do not like about geekery and they are as follows:

Devon Presents: Things that bother me about cons:
1) I hate it when people are really loud about being a nerd.  You are in an anime costume, do you have to SCREAM about it?  no.  Actually, please stop LITERALLY screaming.   Much like a rabbit, I am easily jostled by loud, startling noises.
2) It would be really sweet to live in Hogwarts (or on the Enterprise) but we don't.  Because THOSE PLACES ARE NOT REAL.  So also, stop doing 'muggle quiddich" and pointing wands and being like "ACCIO!"  the only thing that will "accio" to you, is my foot to your kneecap.

But DEVON, you say, need we mention all of your completely epic and awesome Halloween costumes?  (ha, they totally are, right?) Halloween doesn't bug you?

To answer your question dear friend, no, Halloween is a time for living out your costumed fantasies and mine all happen to be becoming video game and cartoon characters.  Also, on Halloween, I didn't get mad at Shawn for being the cold miser and ruining halloween with a snow storm, because shawn was not really the snow miser.  (isn't he though?)

Side Bar: I do give cred to EVERYONE who makes their own costumes and wears them to cons (or halloween!).  The level of detail some people go into is amazing, and I appreciate it, I just don't appreciate it when you are throwing "Hadoukens" around like they're real.  And when you ARE doing that, you usually are not watching where you are going and you walk into me.  And anyone who's been around me ever, knows I hate hate haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate being walked into.  It's a constant reminder of me being short.

Moving on.

It actually wasn't too bad.  I didn't run into too many people who were screaming, and not too many people who were actually believing they were chewbacca. 

But there was one little Obi Wan, (themostadorablechildever.) and his run in with R2D2.

Completely filled with awe and wonder.

How does this work?

Every child, when they still think maybe the force is us all (who am I kidding, I tried to get to Narnia in my bathtub, no lies), should be able to have an experience where they still get to believe in the wonder of fantasy.  This was too cute for words.  (Furthermore, I'm still not convinced people CAN'T get to Narnia, but I'm pretty sure you have to be British.  And Shawn has made it abundantly clear that unicorns will never again come to me if I call for them, which I think is the meanest thing he's ever said.)

We decided to get my ticket to get my Wil Wheaton ticket first.  You had to pay separately for picture and signature, so I chose picture, because being next to Wil Wheaton is much cooler than just having him sign things and also anyone who's ever been around me knows my penchant to say STUPID SH*T TO MINOR CELEBRITIES the more time I have to talk to them.  I met Bruce Campbell once, and I YELLED at him.  Not in an excited way, in a i'm-tired-and-cranky-and-my-feet-hurt-could-you-just-sign-this-already?  Admittedly, HE was cranky first, but I don't think that makes it better.  And actually, me saying stupid things is not wholly related to celebrities.  When I am nervous, I say weird things.  For instance, when at a second interview for a job, I met with the boss of the office and she asked how I liked meeting with the other two people, and I said "Well, if they had a baby, it would be me."

Please just mull over that for a minute.

And also keep in consideration, i GOT the job.

Hey, I'm number 156!

 Anyway, photos were more safe.  But I wanted to say something like "Hey, thanks for all the really cool memories for me and my dad." Because it really has. But I thought that might sound weird.  I decided on saying "Hey, it's really awesome to meet you."  which was safe and I said it without stumbling for the most part, and then Wil said "Awww that's so nice!"  The *Snap* goes the picture and done.

For the record Shawn made me go in alone, another thing I don't like doing (<----safety in numbers person). But I think I did okay on my own.

A picture of my picture.  Which is on my fridge, next to an advert about the LOTR symphony and a video game expo.  oh there really IS no escaping this now that I've opened the flood gates, is there?

We went to see him talk, and he gave some great anecdotes about working in the industry for so long and read some things from his blog.  He had a really great question and answer session and kindly reminded Australians that they don't need to make up drop bears, they can just tell us about the actually scary size of cars spiders.  It was not Fanboy-y at all, much to my relief.  

After that was over, Shawn and I thought we might drop in on the Weasley Twins lecture.  Maybe they'd talk about their experience on set or what it was like to be in a multi-series movie.  Y'know things that might actually be fascinating.  But instead we got questions like this:

"Sooooooo, what's it like to be dead?"
"Um, what's your favorite animal?"
"If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?"

I felt like I was reading an issue of Tiger Beat.

NO ONE cares about you TIFFANI!! Jonathan and I are about to go SHOPPING.

  While sitting in the audience, Shawn and I thought of our own questions:

Me: "If you had to fight to the death, RIGHT NOW, who would win?  Also, fight to the death.  right now."
Shawn: "So you guys are like, twins right?  Do you sleep in twin beds?"

We also skadoodled out of there as fast as we could.  not that the questions weren't interesting.  (It was weird to be dead, penguins and Australia, respectively) it's just the questions.  weren't.  interesting. 

We did other things while we were there, we shopped a bit and no big deal, we SAT IN THE DELORIAN!

Gonna go back in tiiiiiiiieeeeemmmmeeee

please note the cardboard hubcaps.

 All in all my first con was not that scary and I got to meet Wil Wheaton.  Shawn tells me cons are more impressive in the states, and there's more things to do.  So maybe when I get back, I'll check one out.  Stranger things have happened, I never thought I'd move to Australia either.

Party on the Poo Porch!

Just so everyone is aware.  This is what I'm doing.  On a Friday Night.  At 1am.  (and yes, i agree.  the spice girls are best as spoken word.)  PS jack your audio up, though the dance party is loud in person, it's less noticeable on the flip.

I bet you wish you all lived here with me....IN THE 1990's!  (enter here Brunswick joke that no one will get.)

Other popular hits include:

Love Shack
Coco Jamboo
Daft Punk
and...TEENAGE DIRT BAG?  Touche, Australia, I respect you for that one.  and everyone who is singing along right now.  and if you're not?  you don't know what you're missin'.

Apple Core, Who's it For?

Chain Gang.

To state the complete obvious, Australia is different from the United States.  I know this shouldn't come a shock to some of you, but there are so many things we take for granted in the United States that when you arrive in another country, is a complete culture shock.
Let's take grocery shopping for example.  First off, you're only buying for the week, which is a hard habit to get into for someone who basically went once a month. And because Shawn's 'thriftiness' has invaded my mind, I refuse to pay to get a grocery cart.  Yeah, you pay for one.  You put your little coin in (like a dollar or two dollar coin) and then you get to use the cart.  Want your little coin back?  You return the cart.  It seems a little uncivilized to me, but maybe that's because I'd never actually steal a grocery cart, because I am a rule follower, and thoughts like stealing grocery carts do not enter into my mind. (does that enter anyone's mind?)  Also, it does not matter to me that I get the coin back.  it's the PRINCIPAL. So mostly, I just use the baskets (which you DON'T have to pay for) and pretend I am working on my muscles by lugging around pounds of meat and litres of milk.  (I will be ripped and I will call them my milk muscles)

Another thing I've taken for granted is the ability to get foods I like.  You think, oh yeah they're going to have new foods (I'm talking to you Vegemite) but they are totally going to have things like hot dogs (rare) grape jelly (yeah that's not happening) and apple sauce.  (WHAT?  NO APPLESAUCE?).  Okay, Australia, I will give you the first two, but applesauce seems, i dunno, universal? 
In my inability to create the first two items (no, I am not making my own hot dogs lest I never eat hot dogs again and let's be honest, I don't even think grape jelly is made from normal ingredients <----pretending hot dogs are....) I decided I was going to make some applesauce.  The fact that it NEVER OCCURRED to me that I could make my own applesauce just goes to prove, I am a lazy, lazy girl.  I also figured I'd need a food mill to do this, and then I realized me and my super hand blender (seriously, it's my favorite thing) can accomplish anything together!

My Lovely Apple Purchases.

So at the Farmer's Market, I got approximately a dozen 6 million gala apples for $2.  Since Shawn sometimes eats fruit (re: only fruits that contain the word "apples") and sometimes does not eat fruit (re: every other fruit in the universe and sometimes apple-fruits), I started to worry about my growing fruit collection.  But I felt like using one apple was boring, and besides, I also have a bag of granny smith apples, and applesauce seemed like a better idea than me trying to make an apple crisp or apple crumble (it's FALL here!!) because of all my oven drama.  (STUPID STUPID OVEN.)

Anyway, I found a recipe online and doubled it because I wanted to make SO MUCH APPLESAUCE.  I also took out the sugar (yeah stop judging) and replaced it with Splenda.  That box was approximately $45.  I am not kidding.

Yes, I used a knife.  All by myself. 

I prepped all my little apples and y'know, I think granny smiths are very pretty.  That's sort of a weird thing to think.  But I don't think I ever realized the inside of granny smiths were that different in color to a red skinned apple.  Whatever, it's my blog, if I want to think they're pretty, I will.    

I added the apples, some cinnamon, the $17 of Splenda and some water. Then into a pot to simmer with a lid.

Cauldron of delicious apples

Sufficiently mushed.

BLENDED Y'ALL.

All in all, I think it came out pretty good.  I think Shawn does not like it, because of the cinnamon (and because it's still in the fridge) so if I make another batch for him, I'll leave it out.  But I think it's tasty, if not a bit too watery.  So less water next time and probably make it chunkier.  Because just like peanut butter, applesauce with chunks is better.  (is that a controversial statement?)

This realization that I could make my very own applesauce has empowered me.  Yeah, it's just applesauce, to you non-applesauce making noobs.  But, I'm like...I'm like....like A PIONEER WOMAN!  I AM FORDING THE RIVER.  I AM NOT DYING OF DIPHTHERIA!  MY OXEN ARE STILL ALIVE!  I MADE IT ALL THE WAY TO OREGON AUSTRALIA!   

Somewhere, I'm sure Martha Stewart is very proud of me.  Well, she's probably not, she's probably rolling around in a pile of money or something, which is what I'D be doing if I were Martha Stewart (rolling around in a pile of money in a homemade, decoupaged money bin, FYI).  I really do wonder if I could make grape jelly though.  Maybe I can get Jesalyn to give me some tips since she's the Jelly Queen.  I'm not sure that's a flattering monicker.  But I like it.